Sometimes It's Hard to Say Even One Thing True
by Jack E. Peace
Summary: Aubrey has spent far too long driving around the city trying to find the perfect birthday gift for Chloe.


**Disclaimer: **Title from the song "Little Bird" by The Weepies. Also I took some liberty with the stores found in Lenox Mall because I do what I want.

**A/N: **So this story was written to celebrate pictureswithboxes' birthday and to make the last day of Chaubrey Week 2013. So happy birthday to our dear pictureswithboxes! Sorry this story is late and random. Maybe you'll still enjoy it somehow anyway :)

**"Sometimes It's Hard to Say Even One Thing True" **

"What do you mean you don't have it?"

The girl behind the counter looks like Elvira. Aubrey isn't trying to be judgmental, she's really not because you can't judge a book by its cover and all that. But there's a little part of Aubrey that can't help it; it comes from growing up in the same household as Gwen Posen, who had very strict thoughts and guidelines about how women were supposed to dress. But the girl behind the counter, with her dark eye makeup and dark lipstick and dark hair looks to have the pages to make her surly cover.

"We don't have it." The girl, whose nametag reads _Macy_, sighs. "Sorry."

Aubrey matches the girl's sigh. Macy is probably no more than sixteen and working here on the weekends for a job to save money for…whatever it is that Macy enjoys. But Aubrey still feels like she wants to chew the girl out for her poor customer service skills.

"How can you not have one?" Aubrey presses. "This is a teddy bear store."

"Teddy bear." Macy repeats with a roll of her eyes. "Not _polar_ bear."

Aubrey really wants to snap at this girl but she forces herself to bite her tongue. She's twenty years old, she doesn't need to engage in a shouting match with a teenage girl. "But this store sells stuffed bears." She points out with what she hopes is a patient tone in her voice. "I want a stuffed polar _bear_."

Macy shrugs. "Sorry. No polar bears here." Her eyes flick toward the door, conveying her thoughts on the subject loud and clear.

"Do you have any idea where I might find one?" Aubrey questions, even though she's not sure why she needs to continue to engage in conversation with this very unhelpful and disinterested girl.

Macy smirks. "The zoo."

Aubrey turns and leaves the store without another word.

Once she's sitting in the front seat of her car, Aubrey crosses the name of the store off her list. The list, which has ten stores and had seemed so promising this morning, has now dwindled into one and has yielded nothing but disappointment. How hard is it to find a freaking stuffed polar bear?!

And, to be serious, Aubrey feels a little bit like an idiot going all around Atlanta trying to find a stuffed polar bear. She's twenty years old for God's sake, what does she need a stuffed animal for? If it was for anyone other than Chloe, it would definitely would not be happening. And if it was anyone other than Chloe, Aubrey would be asking why any twenty-year-old needs a stuffed animal. But it's Chloe. So it just makes sense.

For the past three months, Aubrey has been agonizing over finding Chloe the perfect birthday gift. She and the redhead have been nearly inseparable since the first day of freshmen year three years ago and Aubrey often finds herself obsessing over birthday gifts and Christmas gifts. They always have to be perfect; they always have to scream Chloe Beale. And normally it's not that hard, because Chloe is pretty easy to shop for because she's always been pretty open about her interests and the things that she wants. But this year…this year has been different and Aubrey has no idea why. This year nothing has seemed good enough, not even after three months of thinking and hypothesizing.

Though, if Aubrey were being _really_ honest…she would know why things are different this year. Because without even meaning to, Aubrey hasn't been trying to brainstorm a present for a best friend and roommate. She's been shopping for a girlfriend. Or rather, someone that she wishes was her girlfriend. But Aubrey has been trying really hard not to be honest with herself.

But she's had a lot of time to think as she drives all over Atlanta looking for stuffed polar bears. Aubrey hates having time to think; it makes it all too easy to examine her imperfections and all of the things about her that would disappoint her father. Including the fact that she's falling in love with her best friend.

It's not like Aubrey ever meant for something like that to happen. Hell, she never even _thought_ about something like that happening. She'd always thought that her lack of interest in the opposite sex had been due to the fact that school and extracurricular activities were much more important. In high school, her parents had impressed upon her the importance of the SATs not homecoming and prom. Her father never would have let her date, even if Aubrey had found someone she considered worthy of her attention. But now that Chloe is in the picture, Aubrey wonders if it maybe hasn't been something else all along. And even though she has absolutely not intentions of mentioning this revelation to Chloe, Aubrey can't help but let this information rattle around in her brain as she drives from toy store to toy store. She knows that she's been weird lately because she's starting to be hyper-aware of every word, touch and look she exchanges with Chloe. Things have never been weird between them before but now Aubrey finds herself studying in the library instead of the dorm room and extending her workouts so she can stay in the gym longer. She can see the confusion on Chloe's face when she declines to step into the redhead's hugs or when Aubrey instigates distance between them but Aubrey just can't bring herself to stop these little gestures or to explain the situation. Neither choice seems like an ideal solution.

So Aubrey hopes that a best-friend birthday dinner and a stuffed polar bear will be enough to make up for the strangeness of the past few weeks. Because Aubrey needs to get over it or she's going to lose Chloe as a friend. And that's just not an option.

Polar bears are Chloe's favorite animal and have been ever since third grade when she had to do a presentation in front of her class about them, according to the redhead. A few weeks ago, Chloe had mentioned a story about a stuffed polar bear that she'd had as a kid and lost during a family vacation when the stuffed toy had been left behind at some amusement park and was never seen again. And it's not a fancy or expensive gift but Aubrey hopes that a stuffed polar bear will somehow make up for how her own confusion and embarrassment has been effecting their friendship.

Aubrey's next stop (and last stop) is Lenox Mall, where she used to shop with her mother when she was younger because pretty much every clothing store in the place is insanely expensive. She honestly didn't even know there was a toy store in the mall until she was doing some research that morning. Gwen was never the type to take her kids into toy stores. But Lenox actually has several stores catering to children and Aubrey hopes that one of those places is going to have a freaking stuffed polar bear.

Unfortunately, luck is not on Aubrey's side. She feels self-conscious as she walks into the toy store on the first floor and she quickly understands why her mother never would have dreamed of taking her or her brother to a place like this. It's loud, it's bright, it smells like plastic and there are children everywhere. Noisy children, poorly behaved children, crying children…it's a little bit overwhelming. Aubrey steps around a little boy who has decided to start building Legos right there on the floor and heads into the stuffed animal section.

There's another little boy clutching a stuffed giraffe and wailing as his mother tells him to put it back on the shelf so they can go. A little girl is methodically taking every stuffed dog off the shelves and lining them up on the floor, giving them names and petting their heads as she works. No one pays any attention to Aubrey with everything else going on.

Aubrey tries to search the piles of stuffed animals as quickly as possible but there's no polar bear in sight. There are plenty of goofy looking teddy bears and even several koala bears but no polar bears. Seriously? Does she need to be in the Arctic to find one of these things?

Just to be on the safe side, Aubrey heads to the front of the store and finds an employee. This girl looks much nicer than Elvira from the teddy bear store. Her nametag reads _Bailey _and has a little smiley-faced sticker next to the black lettering. She grins when Aubrey walks up. "Are you finding everything okay?" She questions cheerfully with a deep Southern lilt to her words.

"I…" Aubrey sighs like she always does whenever she has to explain herself. "I'm looking for a stuffed polar bear. Do you have one of those?"

Bailey purses her lips thoughtfully. "Well, you know, I don't remember seeing any polar bears recently." She tells Aubrey. "We normally have them around Christmas but that's really it. And they're so cute, they wear little scarves and Santa hats." She beams at Aubrey. "You could come back then."

Aubrey frowns. "I need one now." She feels like this is common sense. It's August. Why would she be looking for a stuffed bear now if she didn't need it until December?

Bailey doesn't seem put off by the irritation she hears in Aubrey's face. "Hmm, well that won't work then!" She says, her tone chipper. "You could try the Build-a-Bear upstairs."

"I'm sorry, the what?" Aubrey questions, arching an eyebrow.

"The Build-a-Bear." Bailey repeats with that annoying smile still on her face. "You know, where you stuff your own bears and dress them in adorable clothes and give them a name and little shoes. It's a lot of fun."

It sounds like Bailey is speaking from experience. Aubrey nods anyway, even though she thinks this idea sounds ridiculous. "Okay, yeah, thanks." She's never been more relieved to walk out of a store before.

With an exasperated sigh, Aubrey tears the paper with all the store names out of her planner and rips it in half. A lot of good it's done her. Not a single store in Atlanta has stuffed polar bears. She's just going to have to think of something else for Chloe's birthday.

Aubrey starts to walk back toward her car but she hesitates before she can leave the mall. What if there _are_ stuffed polar bears at this Build-a-Bear place? She can't in good conscious leave the mall without at least checking. After all, she's already driven all over the city; she can handle walking up a flight of stairs.

The Build-a-Bear is just as frightening as the toy store but in a totally different way. Aubrey forces herself to walk in anyway, even though she's put off by the garish yellow and blue paint of the arches above the entrance. The walls are the same color and there are a half-dozen red bins on the right wall by the entrance. Each bin contains a different floppy animal, devoid of stuffing and everything that makes them look like something other than road kill. It's a little creepy actually. It's like the ghost of childhood dreams or something.

"Hi! Welcome to Build-a-Bear!" The guy standing by the entrance of the store greets Aubrey cheerfully and she wonders why every single person she's encountered today has been insanely cheerful. Except Macy. Macy is actually looking pretty good right about now. "Is this your first time?" Aubrey figures that the way she just stares at the guy (Daniel, according to his nametag which also reads _have a beary nice day!_) is answer enough. "Are you looking for any animal in particular?"

Well, she's already here so…. "Yeah…do you have polar-" And then Aubrey's eyes settle on the stuffed polar bear on display above the bin of polar bear skins awaiting stuffing. If she was a religious person, she figures that she'd hear a choir of angels or something. Because there's a polar bear. Finally.

Daniel smiles. "Polar bears?" He guesses. "Right over there. They're part of our partnership with the World Wildlife Foundation, so part of every purchase-"

But Aubrey is already walking away. Because she's come too far and searched too long to stand here and talk about the WWF when there's a polar bear stuffed animal a mere ten feet away from where she's standing.

Unfortunately she can't just buy the already stuffed one. She actually has to go through the process of making the bear. Aubrey sighs as she picks through the bin of empty animal shells until she finds the one with the cutest face. And yes, she really just did that. What is happening to her?

Aubrey takes the animal over to the machine full of stuffing and hands it over to the guy sitting there without even looking at him. She just wants to get this over with as soon as possible.

But, apparently, that's not how it works at Build-a-Bear. Evan, the "stuffing manager" gives Aubrey a big grin as he takes the bear from her. "Excellent choice. Is this for you or someone special?"

Aubrey sighs. "Someone else." She answers in a mumble, hoping that he'll hear the tone of her voice and know that she is not amused or in the mood for this. She really wants to say just stuff the damn bear already I've been driving around since eight this morning but she manages to keep those thoughts to herself.

Evan continues to beam at her. He takes a colored Sharpe off his lanyard and pops the cap off. "Who's it for?" He questions, preparing to write the name on the bear's tag.

This time, Aubrey's sigh is more audible. "We can skip this whole part, I don't mind." She assures him. "I just want to get the bear…"

"It's all part of the process." Evan assures her. "It helps make this a very special friend for whoever he's going home with." Aubrey purses her lips. "So who's it for?" He looks at her expectantly.

Recognizing defeat, Aubrey gives him Chloe's name and rolls her eyes as soon as Evan focuses on putting stuffing into the bear. She's sure this whole thing is really great for kids but she's obviously not a kid so she doesn't need the whole spiel. Though, she can't help but think that even now, Chloe would probably love a place like this.

Evan gives her the polar bear when it resembles its more natural shape and tells her to decide if there's too much stuffing or not enough. Aubrey gives the animal a quick squeeze and tells him it's fine because what does she know about stuffing and softness? He's the expert here.

"Okay, now you have to pick out a heart from the bin there," Evan points to a small plastic bin on the side of the stuffing machine, "and we're going to put it in the bear."

Aubrey quickly grabs a red and white checkered heart and tries to hand it to Evan. But of course he won't take it. Because that's not part of the experience. "Okay, so put the heart in your hands and close your eyes." Evan instructs.

"No, really," Aubrey protests, "this is ridiculous, I'm -"

"This is the most important part." Evan informs her and Aubrey wonders if he's just fucking with her by this point because he can tell how unhappy and uncomfortable she is. She wouldn't put it past him. "We can't finish the bear until you do."

That sounds a little bit like a threat to Aubrey. So she just glares at Evan and then closes her eyes, putting the fabric heart in her hands.

"So think about a special memory of the person you're making the bear for." Evan instructs and if it were possible to roll her eyes, Aubrey would definitely be doing it. "And put all that good energy into the heart."

Even though she thinks it's totally ridiculous, Aubrey can't help but sift through her memories of Chloe. Every memory of Chloe is a special one. The first time they met. When Chloe told her that she was her closest and most important friend. Going home with Chloe over spring break. Being enveloped in Chloe's arms and hearing the redhead promise her that they were going to be friends for the rest of their lives. The first moment she really realized that she desperately wanted Chloe to be more than just her friend, when she thought about what it would be like to kiss Chloe and hold her close. And how she wants, more than anything, to be wanted.

"Okay, that's good." Evan interrupts Aubrey's thoughts and when she opens her eyes, she can see the smirk on his face. She wonders how long she stood there just thinking about Chloe and holding that stupid heart and she feels ridiculous and embarrassed all over again. "Go ahead and stuff it in." He points the opening on the polar bear's back that has yet to be stitched together.

Aubrey quickly shoves the heart into the stuffing and adopts her expression of annoyance. Evan sews up the back of the bear and then hands it over to Aubrey. "You can name it over there," he points to a bay of computers against the back wall, "and pick out clothes and stuff for it."

Quickly, Aubrey walks away from the stuffing station before Evan can convince her to do something else stupid. She takes the bear and starts walking toward the cash register, ready to get out of here and finally go home but she stops, unable to keep her eyes from being drawn to the displays of little bear clothes. Chloe would definitely dress up her bear. She would love it. Aubrey can see it now: Chloe would struggle with picking the right outfit and spend more time thinking about how to dress her bear than she spends on dressing herself. The thought makes her smile and her heart beats funny in her chest like it always does now when she thinks about Chloe.

So, fine. She'll buy the bear some freaking clothes. And then maybe Chloe can come back another time and get more outfits for it or something. And maybe she'll invite Aubrey along too and they can go out to dinner afterward and maybe even share a kiss on the walk back to the car and…whoa, slow down there Posen. Those are the kind of thoughts that are going to get her into trouble. Those are not the kind of things she needs to be thinking about her best friend.

Aubrey browses the shelves of clothes, looking at the outfits and shaking her head at most of them. Some of the outfits are just plain ridiculous. There's princess ones and little firefighter outfits and superhero costumes and doctor's coats and little sunglasses and skateboards and shorts and all kinds of things for these stuffed animals. Aubrey wonders how kids ever manage to pick just one thing because she can't even figure out where to start. She has no idea what outfit Chloe would pick out on her own. The princess dresses are too gaudy, superheroes aren't really Chloe's style and she's never been the skateboarding type.

But Aubrey still continues to look through the outfits and shirts and shoes and accessories, determined to find the right outfit. She finally finds a little white tee shirt with the words _Barden University _printed across the front. She suddenly knows exactly how to dress the polar bear.

Aubrey buys the bear and the shirt and the woman behind the counter packs it in a cardboard box that is supposed to look like a house and finally Aubrey is on her way. She power-walks back to the car, relieved to be out of the mall and to have finally found exactly what she was looking for.

Instead of heading straight back to Barden, Aubrey makes one more stop at the fabric store where she knows the Bellas' scarves come from. Thankfully she doesn't have to explain what she needs the fabric for. She's able to buy it and leave the store without having to do anything stupid or deal with overly cheerful employees. It's a welcome change.

When Aubrey gets back to Barden, she leaves the bear and scarf in the trunk of the car so she can hide it from Chloe until she knows her roommate is going to be in class.

Chloe is laying across her bed, working on an essay, when Aubrey walks into the room and the redhead offers her a bright and hopeful smile. "I was starting to wonder if you were ever coming home." She remarks, shutting her computer and giving Aubrey her full attention. "Where'd you go anyway?"

"Nowhere." Aubrey says with a shrug, slipping off her shoes and carrying them over to the closet.

It doesn't occur to Aubrey that her non-answer could come off as cool and distant instead of secretive. She doesn't see the expression on Chloe's face, the look of hurt and defeat that flickers across her eyes. By the time Aubrey turns around again, it's gone.

* * *

Chloe's birthday is five days after Aubrey finally finds the perfect present and, for some reason, Aubrey wakes up that morning filled with nervous excitement, almost like it's her own birthday. But she's more excited to give Chloe her present than she's ever been about celebrating another one of her own birthdays. Since she's known Chloe, birthdays have become more important special and Aubrey wants to return the favor.

"I…I don't know if you have plans tonight," Aubrey says after the obligatory exchange of "happy birthdays" and hugs, "but I thought maybe I could take you out to dinner, to celebrate."

Chloe somehow manages to look both excited and wary at the same time. "Why?"

Aubrey is taken aback by the question. "Because it's your birthday and you're my best friend."

Chloe still looks doubtful. "You want to take me to dinner? You know that would require you actually spending time with me and carrying on a conversation and stuff, right?"

Aubrey flinches as though Chloe has slapped her across the face. That's a little bit like what it feels like anyway. "I…" How is she possibly supposed to explain herself to Chloe? What explanation could she give that doesn't involve her admitting the truth about why she's been putting distance between them? "Of course I want to take you out. It's your birthday."

Chloe lets out a little sigh. "I had already talked about going with a few girls from my education class." She tells Aubrey. "Because we hadn't talked about anything and I didn't know…" It surprised Aubrey how Chloe looks guilty. "You could come with us…"

That's really the last thing that Aubrey wants. She really wants a nice dinner with just the two of them so she can figure out how to apologize to Chloe as vaguely as possible and give her the bear and hope that everything just goes back to normal. But she doesn't want to give Chloe her present in front of these other girls and she doesn't want to have to share Chloe's attention with them. But it's Chloe's birthday so…Aubrey just nods.

And that's how Aubrey finds herself going out to a small Italian restaurant with Chloe and four other girls from her education program. The girls are more like Chloe than Aubrey knows she'll ever be. They're vivacious, talkative and outgoing, exactly the type of people that you would expect to see in an elementary school classroom. They're friendly enough to Aubrey when Chloe introduces them but Margo, Jennifer and Danielle seem to lose interest in the blonde when she can't keep up with the conversation with the same tenacity that they show.

Chloe seems to be perfectly in her element. She's laughing and talking a mile a minute, her hands moving quickly as she uses them to express her excitement or dismay over whatever she's talking about. They talk about the students and teachers of their shared classes and even make several references that let Aubrey know that they've hung out with each other outside of the classroom before. And for some reason that makes her heart ache and brings almost physical pain to the blonde. It's not like she doesn't want Chloe to have friends, of course that's not it at all. She's not unreasonable. But she misses when she and Chloe had stories and shared jokes and laughed until they couldn't breathe. And Aubrey knows the only person she has to blame for the way things have changed it herself. But everything was so much less complicated before she had fallen in love with her best friend. When she could listen to Chloe laugh and not want to kiss her; when they could lay together on one of their beds and be close without Aubrey's heart racing and her mouth going dry. She's complicated things and she hates herself for it.

Throughout the dinner time conversation, Aubrey hates herself for the way that she just sits there silently and listens to the laughter and the stories. She wants to jump in and contribute, she really does, honestly. She's tired of sitting there looking and feeling pathetic and being reminded of all the reasons that she could never have a chance with Chloe. Aubrey's few contributions are stilted and met with polite comments from the other girls at the table so eventually she just gives up. Though, if Aubrey's not mistaken, she notices Chloe's eyes flicking toward her throughout dinner and she's not sure what to make of these looks. She wonders if she's supposed to be able to interpret them and she feels bad for not knowing what it is that Chloe is trying to say.

Chloe's present sits on the floor between Aubrey's feet, still wrapped up safely in its pale pink tissue paper and matching bag. Aubrey wishes that she hadn't brought it along because she's worried that one of the other girls is going to try and prod Chloe into her opening her presents and Aubrey wants to avoid that embarrassment. She'd rather just give Chloe the polar bear back in the dorm room and leave before she has to watch the other girl open it.

Shortly after they've finished dinner, one of the girls Macy or Jennifer or whatever, starts telling some story about how Chloe flirted with the barista at Starbucks and they all dissolve into raucous giggles. Aubrey decides that enough is enough. It's not that far back to Barden, she can easily walk back.

Aubrey offers Chloe a tight smile. "I'm not feeling all that well," she says suddenly, interrupting the giggles and the end of the story, "I think I'm going to go back to campus. I'll see you there later."

Without waiting for Chloe to say anything, Aubrey gets to her feet, leaves money on the table, picks up the gift bag and leaves the restaurant as quickly as she possibly can. Tears sting her eyes as she walks outside and it takes her a minute to orient herself and figure out how to get back to Barden. Aubrey takes a deep breath, blinks her tears away and starts walking in the right direction.

Aubrey doesn't get very far before she hears Chloe calling her name. At first she thinks about ignoring her friend and continuing on but Chloe's voice is thick with emotion and Aubrey can't just pretend like she doesn't hear her.

As soon as Aubrey turns around, she finds herself face to face with Chloe and, for the first time since she's known her, Chloe actually looks mad. "Aubrey, what the hell is going on? I'm getting really tired of this and I just want to know what's wrong with you."

"I…I don't know what you're talking about." Aubrey mumbles, looking away from her friend so she doesn't have to see the mixed emotions in her eyes. Chloe looks angry and hurt and just so confused all at once.

Chloe's brow knits and a bit of the fire seems to leave her. "Did I do something?" She questions softly. "I've been trying to figure it out but I just can't…Aubrey…" The look on her face breaks Aubrey's heart and her nails dig into the palms of her hands. "What's going on?"

"You haven't done anything wrong, Chloe." Aubrey assures her and her heart is constricting in her chest again and it's more painful that she can possibly explain. "It's not…it's not that."

"Then what the hell is it?" Chloe questions again, her voice rising in pitch and her eyes growing wide and desperate. "What's going on with you?"

Aubrey shakes her head and takes a step back from her friend. "I'm sorry Chloe. I didn't mean for you to come out after me. Go back inside with your friends and enjoy the rest of your birthday dinner. I'll see you back at the room." She nods and offers her a forced smile.

Chloe rolls her eyes. "Right. Like I can just walk back in there and act like everything is fine. Everything is not fine, Aubrey. I want to know what's wrong between us because I want to fix it."

Of course Aubrey wants that too, she most definitely wants that. But she has no idea how that's ever going to happen. Not until she can manage to fix herself.

So instead of responding, Aubrey just holds the present out to Chloe. "Here. I went all over the city trying to find this. It's stupid but…happy birthday Chloe." She takes another step back. "I'll see you back home."

Chloe looks down at the present but she doesn't open it. Instead she looks at Aubrey's retreating form. "Why?" She calls to the blonde. Aubrey turns around again, a quizzical look on her face. "Why did you drive all over looking for my birthday present when we've barely talked or spent any time together or done anything at all? Was it so you would have an excuse to keep avoiding me? Why won't you just talk to me Aubrey!" She flings the bag to the ground and Aubrey winces.

"I'm sorry." Aubrey says softly, bowing her head. She feels tears pricking her eyes once more. She has no right to get upset because this is a situation of her own making. Chloe is upset and it's her fault and there's nothing she can do about it. "I'm sorry about everything." Her words are barely above a whisper and with the distance between them, Aubrey isn't even sure that Chloe can hear her.

But Chloe takes a step forward and the look on her face lets Aubrey know that her friend has her words. "Sorry about what?" She questions, moving closer to Aubrey. "Sorry for starting to ignore me? Sorry for leaving me without my best friend? Sorry for making me wonder what I had done to push you away? Sorry for leaving me alone?" Aubrey just looks down at her feet. "You know, I'm sorry too. Because I'm an idiot and I always do this. I always fall for the people who I know are just going to hurt me in the long run and it's not your fault Aubrey because I'm just an idiot but it still hurts, okay? It hurts like hell. So whatever happened, I'm sorry, okay? But please don't stop being my best friend."

Chloe isn't even aware that she's crying until she feels the tears drop onto her cheeks and she wipes them away angrily. Of course she would be crying right now, because this whole thing isn't already embarrassing enough. The fact that Aubrey is just staring at her doesn't help with her embarrassment either.

"What?" Aubrey whispers. She can't help but continue to replay Chloe's words over and over again in her mind and she's certain that she's either misheard or misinterpreted what her friend has said.

Chloe wipes away the last of her tears and just shakes her head. "Just forget everything that I said, okay?" She looks at Aubrey. "I really didn't mean to say any of that out loud."

But it's not the kind of thing Aubrey can just forget. "What do you mean?" She questions softly.

Chloe just shakes her head and Aubrey finds her silence frustrating. She wonders if this is how Chloe's been feeling lately because she hasn't exactly been forth coming, especially not about how she's really been feeling.

Aubrey walks past her friend, heading back in the direction of the restaurant. Chloe's brow knits but she doesn't say anything, though an expression of annoyance flickers across her face. Aubrey picks up the gift bag and re-fluffs the tissue paper and smoothes the creases in the bag. She shakes her head slightly, the beginnings of a smile on her lips.

"I didn't drive all over the city looking for your birthday gift so I could avoid you." Aubrey tells Chloe. "Or…maybe I did. But not for the reason that you think." She shakes her head again. "I feel like I ruined everything even though that was exactly what I was trying not to do."

Chloe's confusion deepens. "What are you talking about?"

Aubrey focuses her attention on making the tissue paper in the bag look perfect so that she doesn't have to look at Chloe. She just keeps rearranging the position of the pink paper. "I…I never said anything because I didn't want to ruin our friendship. I couldn't stand the idea of losing you. But I feel like I pushed you away anyway. I feel like I'm losing you no matter what I do."

Aubrey looks up in time to see Chloe's expression of annoyance and confusion suddenly switch to one of understanding. She repeats Aubrey's earlier words, "What do you mean, Bree?"

But Aubrey can't explain herself. She can't even fathom being able to put all her thoughts and feelings into words. She can't imagine giving voice to the truth. It's what's gotten them into this mess in the first place: her inability to just be honest for once and say what she feels. Aubrey isn't used to wanting things, at least not with the intensity that she feels now. Everything in her life has been dictated by her parents and she's just done what they've told her because it's easier for everyone. Until her freshmen year when she wanted to be a part of the Barden Bellas. But that's nothing compared to what Aubrey wants now.

Her father always says that a man who wastes time talking instead of acting is a man that doesn't know how to act. Aubrey is tired of inaction. Inaction has landed her where she is now: on the verge of losing the only person in her life that actually means something. So Aubrey steps forward and pulls Chloe into a clumsy kiss. Chloe isn't ready and Aubrey has never really kissed anyone before so it's hardly the type of kiss to cause fireworks to burst and Aubrey's blood to sing. Their teeth knock together and their foreheads bump and Aubrey finds herself more mortified than anything else.

Quickly, Aubrey pulls away and takes a step away from Chloe, her cheeks burning with embarrassment. "I'm sorry." She whispers, unable to bring herself to look at Chloe and see her reaction.

"Sorry for kissing me? Or sorry for not being very good at it?" There's a slightly teasing tone in Chloe's voice and it just furthers Aubrey's embarrassment. "Why did you kiss me?" Chloe's voice is all seriousness now.

Aubrey forces herself to look at Chloe. If she's going to lose her best friend once and for all, she might as well take it like a man. At least, that's what her father would say. "I was embarrassed." Aubrey admits. "I was…I didn't know…I shouldn't…" She takes a deep breath, closing her eyes. She's frustrated with her inability to make anything that she says make sense. "I knew that I shouldn't feel that way about you." She says when she opens her eyes again. "I…I didn't want you to find out. Because I didn't want to lose you."

A slightly disbelieving smile crosses Chloe's face and she shakes her head. "So that's what this was? All this time?" She questions. "You…you liked me. And you never said anything." She scoffs. "You idiot."

Aubrey gapes at her. "Wait…why am _I _the idiot?" She questions. "You liked me too…" She says this part tentatively, unable to actually believe that what she's saying is true. "And you didn't say anything either."

Chloe takes a step toward her and nods. "Yeah. I guess we're both idiots." She relents.

Aubrey purses her lips as she looks at Chloe. This is as close as she's been to Chloe in weeks and, just like always, the closeness makes her heart beat fast and her mouth go dry. It's the exact reason she stopped letting herself get too close to her roommate. Her voice is small and tentative to her own ears when she asks, "So…you…like me?" It's almost too hard to believe. Aubrey is pretty sure this might be some kind of dream. She's had dreams like this before actually, where Chloe tells her that it's okay to feel what she's feeling because Chloe feels that way too. Only, in those dreams, Aubrey actually knows how to kiss.

Instead of answering, Chloe just takes Aubrey's face in her hands and kisses her. This time there are fireworks and Aubrey's heart starts racing and Chloe's lips are soft against hers and it's like she instinctively knows how to respond to her touch. This is better than any other moment in her entire life, including becoming a Barden Bella. This is just better.

"I've really wanted to do that for a long time." Chloe whispers, her forehead resting against Aubrey's.

Aubrey can't manage to form the words _me too_ so she just nods, trying to swallow down the lump in her throat that was caused by Chloe's confession. Though she now wants something more than she wanted to kiss Chloe. She wants Chloe to kiss her again.

Chloe takes Aubrey's free hand and steps away from her. "Come on." She says and, much to Aubrey's surprise, they don't walk back toward the restaurant.

"What about your friends?" The blonde questioned, glancing back toward the restaurant. If she was being completely honest, she'd have to admit that she really doesn't want to go back to the restaurant with Jennifer and whatever the rest of their names were. She doesn't want to have to share Chloe right now, not when all she can think about this kissing her. She'd thought that just liking Chloe was bad enough…but that's nothing compared to how she feels now that she knows what it's like to kiss her. It's going to be doubly hard to pay attention in class now.

Chloe just shrugs. "It's my birthday, I can do whatever I want." She informs Aubrey frankly. "And right now, what I want is to be back home with you."

Aubrey knows that she really should care. Her upbringing is appalled by this idea. But she just can't find it in herself to argue.

* * *

When they get back to their dorm, it's like Chloe is finally aware of the present that Aubrey has been carrying around and she tears through the tissue paper like she's five years old, completely ignoring Aubrey as she tries to explain that the present is silly and stupid and she'll get her something better. Chloe lets out a squeal and pulls the stuffed polar bear out of the bag, clutching it to her chest. She squeals all over again when she sees what the polar bear is wearing.

"Oh my god Bree!" Chloe grins at the blonde. "She's like a little Bella!" She fingers the scarf around the bear's neck.

Aubrey blushes and shrugs. "I hoped you would like it. I thought it might remind you of-"

"Chilly!" Chloe interjects. "My old stuffed animal." She grins at Aubrey and the blonde finds herself smiling back.

Chloe hops to her feet and throws her arms around Aubrey and the sudden weight catches Aubrey by surprise and they fall backward onto Chloe's bed. "Thank you." Chloe says, smiling at the blonde. "It's the perfect present."

Aubrey smiles, pleased with herself. "Good. I'm…I'm glad you like it."

Chloe kisses her and Aubrey sighs into her mouth, overwhelmed by the sensation and the fact that this is now something that she can do whenever she wants. She doesn't have to avoid Chloe anymore or watch their proximity or the things that she says. If she wants to kiss Chloe, it's pretty likely that Chloe will want to kiss her too.

"You know what I really wanted for my birthday?" Chloe questions and Aubrey just shakes her head. "To be able to do this." She kisses Aubrey again.

Well, if Aubrey had known that was the case, she wouldn't have spent all that time driving around Atlanta looked for stuffed polar bears.

**end. **


End file.
